The things I have come to recognize I want are not material but emotional. Now that I have awakened, my abusive relationships take on new significance. I now have the opportunity to learn new behaviors and new feelings. I will wait no longer for the help I need.
Completing ourselves is the way we heal from relationship abuse and stop future victimization. Getting comfortable being alone is something that everyone has to face to have a decent, fulfilling, and manageable life. As you end your denial of partner abuse, your experience of pain increases until it is accepted. Denial is used to defend against a loss of love, a loss of self, or the loss of another. No other person will ever make it unnecessary for you to be complete. It is always up to you to help yourself. How do you complete yourself? You make a commitment to stay out of intimate relationships until you think about and identify what you want. You find direction and purpose in life by setting goals. Emotionally you don’t tolerate blame for the abuse only your reaction to it. You are stuck only by the parts of your relationship for which you’re unwilling to heal and must, because you have been made sick. Only by accepting the necessity to change, can you move on. In order to succeed, you have to give up your excuses for failing. If you sincerely admit you were at least partly responsible for choices made, you can be in greater control of your life. Someone who expects to lose acts helpless, fails to take action, becomes resentful and holds others responsible for keeping them back. This person ends up always looking to get even and tends to repeat past mistakes. Keeping old pain alive is also another way to manipulate others. When you are filled with resentments, you tend to diminish good feelings to justify staying angry. You also hold on to your pain because you are afraid to express anger and want to avoid rejection or looking bad. Some hold on to their emotional pain because they are afraid to let go of a victim identity.
Loving yourself is a choice and series of actions based on that choice. You begin to act accordingly even before you feel lovable. You choose to behave as if you do anyway. You don’t forfeit the right to create your own life. The truth is you can choose to be happy and self-fulfilled regardless of what happen in your relationship. You will then make healthy decisions that honor and attract and maintain real love, safety and happiness.
I believe the purpose in all our relationships is to discover our true identity and find out who we really are. When you have an abuse history you need to make loving yourself a mission. You must be willing to be responsible for completing your emotional work without focusing on anything or any relationship to escape yourself. Until you heal your self other people, situations and life will inevitably hurt you. After an abusive relationship many feel they have lost the sense of self as capable and wise, instead see only their problems. We tend to not trust ourselves when all we recognize is what’s wrong with us. In abusive relationships we have someone who tries to define who we should be, how we should feel, and how we should live. This can lead to an increased incapacity to deal with life. When we complete ourselves, we can better navigate challenging emotional times, feel loss or grieving, fear, or anger knowing in our heart and soul that we will make it, even if we’re not sure how or when. We learn we are safe in our own care. We treat ourselves well, kindly, and as a self-compassionate person does.
Actions to Move On and Complete Yourself
I speak kindly to myself.
I take care of my body and feed it well.
I am compassionate with my crazy thinking.
I take time to be in nature.
I take time for exercise.
I meditate every day.
I forgive as a discipline.
I tell myself often, “I love you very much.”
I date myself and I enjoy my company.
I give myself permission to make mistakes.
I am self-compassionate with my fears.
I am learning to be patience with myself.
I protect my soul and energy.
I spend time with like-minded people.
I am willing to be wrong.
I avoid a victim mentality.
I contribute the best I can.
I show up for life.
Thank you for reading my post. I’ve dedicated my personal and professional life to the importance of non-violence and self-compassion by teaching from my experience. As a result, I’ve learned a lot about what it takes put an end to relationship abuse. And, as I learn and grow, I teach self-compassion and give advice I use myself, in the hopes that it helps you to improve your own life.