Tag Archives: detachment

Postmodern Learning Journey

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Consciousness 17th Century Courtesy of Wikipedia

Consciousness 17th Century Courtesy of Wikipedia

The questions “Who am I?” “Who are we?” and “What is consciousness?” is fascinating to think about.  These issues carry within itself another, even more important question:  “Where do I belong?”   The answer to that question is discovered within a fellowship of friends.  I believe belonging is a core need of nearly all of us in the quest for answers and truth.  On my postmodern journey (belief there is no one objective “truth” rather many possible intrepretations of any event)  I connected with the article, The Essence of Self (Russell, 2003).  Russell believes when the mind is quiet we are experiencing our true essence which is a state of pure consciousness.  He says we develop our sense of self from people, places and things.  I have learned that the challenge is to understand that “I am” not my appearance, my work, my achievements, or my bank account, etc.  This “I am” realization is a sense of my own presence, it is not thought.  Russell describes this well in the following quote:

“When the mind is silent, and the thoughts, feelings, perceptions, memories with which we habitually identify have fallen away, then what remains is the essence of self, the pure subject without an object.  What we than find is not a sense of “I am this” or “I am that,” but just “I am.” (p. 12).”

It is during meditation that I sense this “I am.”  I feel my own presence (authenticity) in my breathe with such peace that my thinking, emotions, physical body, and the passing of time, seem insignificant in comparison to it.  It takes me beyond what I previously thought of as “myself.”  This presence is essentially me and at the same time greater than me.

Russell (2003) also delineates the concept of self, time and space in his article and I connected with his words. I can observe when my mind gets caught up in identification with the past and continuous compulsive projection into the future.   I believe Russell would say when I’m getting caught up in mind thought I am building my sense of self from time.  As soon as I am conscious of this mind process, I become present.  I seize to be my problems and emotions; I stop acting out my compulsive projections and instead become consciousness of which I really am.  The challenge is to stay in the present moment and stop punishing myself for behaviors in the past or with anxious predictions about the future.

Ken Wilber’s integral psychology model has also had a dramatic impact on my postmodern learning.  He has put into words my spiritual awakening with such accuracy that my sense of belonging to something greater then myself is much stronger.  I have learned of this postmodern thinking and shared experiences after the fact and it gives credibility to Wilber’s teaching and my awakening.  A chapter in his book, Integral Psychology (2000), “The Archeology of Spirit” was the most profound.  He writes about the experience he calls looking deep within the mind so well. “In its gentle whisperings, there are the faintest hints of infinite love,” and “It is reached by a simple technique: turn left at mind, and go within” (p. 111). The descriptions are wonderful.  I have felt the hints of infinite love during meditation and as a result, in moments of dialogue with others.

Wilber speaks of “at-home-ness” with the world developing deeper as the self integrates various “streams.”  I think of this as having a place wherein I fit, at home with self, with family, with the world.  Spirituality helps me find that experience by accepting myself, including my relationships with others, and especially my family.  Because of this, I have learned to see my relationships in a different way and to better fit with others.  Wilber calls this process identifying, “If you identify with your friends and family, you will treat them with care.  If you identify with your nation, you will treat your countrymen as compatriots.  If you identify with all human beings, you will strive to treat all people fairly and compassionately, regardless of race, sex, color, or creed” (p.116).  This passage struck me because when I had a spiritual experience as a result of losing my forearm, I than possessed the most profound need to connect with others.  This need helped me overcome the uncomfortableness with looking different and gave me the courage to be myself.  This loss was a powerful lesson in understanding that I am not my body or mind and that my real self had not changed though my outward appearance had.

My postmodern learning journey requires an examination of my invisible inner world through introspection, interpretation, and conscious awareness of my mind talk. My beliefs about subjective reality have been changed by what I am learning.  We live in an exciting time of conscious evolution in which the scientific method is inadequate in its explanations.  Modern science is uncomfortable with subjective uncertainty as are most of us.  The challenge of nonresistance to change and unpredictability is shaped and affected by our own culture, community and compulsive thoughts.  We are the shaper of our reality, environment and culture.  The good news is that we do have some control over our thinking and hold the key to our personal freedom from self-bondage.

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Thank you for reading this article.  I’ve dedicated my personal and professional life to the importance of non-violence and self-love by teaching from my  experience.  In the past, I’ve sacrificed my emotional and spiritual well-being for perfectionism and looked to others for approval at the cost of trusting my  intuition and developing my self-worth.  As a result, I’ve learned a lot about what it takes to put an end to the self-judgment.  And, as I learn and grow, I teach self-compassion and give advice I use myself, in the hopes that it helps you to improve your own life.

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Stress, Chronic Pain, and Breaking the Habit of Thinking Negatively

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250px-Dramaten_mask_2008aInevitably there are times of stress in our lives.  Stress, negative thinking, emotions, and pain are interconnected.  Stress makes us feel anxious, short-tempered, and overwhelmed. When the stress is internal we feel out of balance.  When stress is external and internal we experience our most difficult times with physical pain, we tend to tense our muscles, even if we aren’t aware of it, which can lead to more pain.  When we are feeling relaxed or happy, we tend to have less muscle tension, which can lead to less pain.  And when we are pain-free, it’s easier to feel relaxed and engaged in life.  We feel emotionally better and are better able to be there for ourselves and those we love.

Your thoughts and behaviors are related to your feelings and can result in more positive or more negative moods.  For example, if you spend time with friends during stressful periods, you tend to feel more balanced and peaceful in spite of your physical pain or life circumstances.  Spend a whole day sitting by yourself at home and thinking about how hopeless and helpless you feel, you are much more likely to feel down or grumpy than if you are able to be active and distract your thinking.  At the same time, it is normal and understandable that pain will sometimes make you feel stressed, unhappy, depressed, anxious, frustrated, or angry.  The goal is not necessarily to avoid your feelings and thoughts, but to learn how to manage them, along with your pain.  You have choices about how to stop the thoughts, emotions, and actions that lead to greater levels of emotional and physical pain. You may have experimented with compulsive or addictive behaviors to avoid or temporarily stop your pain.  These temporary pain relievers do not solve the problem; they postponed it.

At the same time, physical pain can be your body’s way of letting you know when something is wrong, so it’s important to be able to tell the difference between injury and pain that doesn’t indicate damage.  In addition, painful emotions can be our awakening to stop the thinking or behaviors we are doing that cause pain.  For example, a backache could be caused by an injury, but it could also be caused by our thoughts and feelings leading to unnecessary stress or tension.  Think of the saying, “ Ninety five percent of what I have worried about in my life has never happened.”  Similarly, you might have back pain because of a damaged disc, or it could be an achy muscle from exercise.  You know your body best, so it is important that you learn the differences between types of pain so that you can make good decisions about when you should try to distract yourself or change your thinking and when you need rest or medical care.

Self-care may not come easily during times of pain.  Ask yourself, “What do I need to do to take care of myself, what do I need emotionally?”  One way to benefit by taking care of yourself is to do at least one or two activities a day that you enjoy or that make you feel good.  These activities can be almost anything, from reading or watching TV to spending time with friends and family to taking a class or volunteering for a cause that makes you feel good about yourself.  One activity that is known to reliably improve feelings and lower stress levels is exercise.  Exercise activates endorphins in the brain, which are a natural painkiller and are 20 times stronger than any man-made pain medication. People who exercise regularly feel better, sleep better, and generally are happier.  In addition, exercise improves muscle tone and strength, which contributes to reduced pain.

Tips for Improving Your Well-being

  • Monitor your thinking, notice thoughts that make you feel bad, and make  choices about how to counter or change those thoughts.
  • Meditate everyday.  Sit quietly for 10 minutes; think about how you can be a better person.
  • Find positive meaning from your stress or disabling experience.
  • Reduce thoughts that contribute to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness and increase thoughts that contribute to feelings of competence.
  • Be an optimist, look for the lesson in your pain, and seek something good from your adversity.
  • Deal with your emotions.  Acknowledge stress, anger, hurt, and anxiety.
  • Take a walk every day.
  • Have regular scheduled events with close friends or family.
  • Find time to be alone with your partner.
  • Make time for laziness.
  • Be healthy inside.  Eat lots of fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and good carbohydrates (e.g. whole wheat bread or pasta).  Avoid junk food.
  • Treat your senses.  Light a scented candle, buy fresh-cut flowers, and indulge in a massage, or take a hot bath.
  • Sleep.  Go to bed and get up at the same time every day, even on weekends
  • Be creative.  Spend time learning new things.  Work in your garden, paint, or build something.
  • Do something for someone else.  Volunteer or do something nice for a loved one.
  • Do something to make you feel the opposite of how you  feel now.  If you’re feeling frustrated and helpless, take a walk or watch a funny movie.  If you’re feeling sad read positive affirmations.
  • Put a mental wall up between yourself and the pain, thoughts, or the emotional distress.  Detach and deny your pain, box it up and put it on a shelf.

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Thank you for reading this article.  My learning journey with chronic physical pain is a result of my experience with phantom limb pain.  I was graced with the gift of self-acceptance upon realization that my forearm was amputated.  Before my limb loss, I sacrificed my emotional and spiritual well-being for perfectionism and looked to others for approval at the cost of trusting my intuition and developing my self-worth.  My drive for perfection was crushed along with my arm.  I’ve learned a lot about what it takes to put an end to self-created emotional pain.  And, as I learn and grow, I teach self-compassion and give advice I use myself, in the hopes that it helps you to improve your own life.

Stopping Complusive Mind Chatter

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Thinking Courtesy of Wikipedia

Thinking Courtesy of Wikipedia

Meditation is the single most important thing you can do for yourself each day to stop compulsive mind chatter.   Starting the practice of meditation is often a salvation.  Your authentic self will appear in moments of quite awareness, and in non-resistance to the present moment, the dialogue in your head will stop and so will the compulsive emotional pain.  During meditation one’s still self can become present and is empowered to de-identify with the drama the ego manufactures in order to feel alive and keep the negative chatter going.  By practicing meditation you will experience stillness, peace and self-acceptance.  We all have the power to stop attending to the seemingly involuntary thought processes, the continuous negative monologues, and the repetitive victim stories playing in our minds.  Emotional, physical, or mental pain can be used as a gift to motivate you to stop the mental fighting in your mind.

My experience with emotional trauma and chronic pain has been a major influence on my values and self-care.  I have been moved by intense struggling into accepting “what is.”  When I practice acknowledging that my emotional pain is self-created and I am not a victim, my thoughts commence to change dramatically.  Moment by moment I practice giving up my attachment to past, future and present thoughts to make living in the present my main focus.  I have found peace through this surrender and a profound need to demonstrate kindness through my actions.  The compulsive drive for more, better, new, in order to feed a false image and ineffectively heal emotional wounds is no longer fulfilling to me.  This awareness came from an accumulation of personal losses, emotional pain and chronic physical pain.  I use to have a voice in my head that continuously attacked and punished me for not doing enough.  I decided I would no longer tolerate the self-created misery and unhappiness.  The negative thoughts still lurk, but I practice observing and releasing them without judging.

I have found it is necessary to practice not taking people or situations personally and to stop building negative thoughts.  The minute I make a situation “about me,” my fear is in charge and creating a story.  I have learned that the challenge is to respect that who “I am” is not my minds activity, my appearance, my work, my achievements, or my bank account, etc.  This “I am” realization is a sense of my own presence, it is not thought.   As soon as I am conscious and stop the compulsive mind chatter I’m hearing, (i.e., “Hello old friend that has come here to make me feel like crap, you can go now”) I become present.  I seize to become my reactions and negative emotions; I stop acting out my compulsive projections.  I quit beating myself up and instead become conscious of my present worth.  The challenge is to remain in the present moment and give up identifying with the drama for things that happened in the past or with fearful projections into the future.  I take responsibility for my actions and self-respect.  I recognize that I am continuously creating my minds reality and I give myself permission to be ”perfectly imperfect.”

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Thank you for reading this article. I’ve dedicated my personal and professional life to the importance of non-violence and self-love by teaching from my  experience.  In the past, I’ve sacrificed my emotional and spiritual well-being for perfectionism and looked to others for approval at the cost of trusting my intuition and developing my own self-worth.  As a result, I’ve learned a lot about what it takes to put an end to the self-judgment and self-bondage.  And, as I learn and grow, I teach self-compassion and give advice I use myself, in the hopes that it helps you to improve your own life.