How Codependents Leave Employment with a Narcissistic Boss

The Apprehensive Man Courtesy of Wikipedia

The Apprehensive Man Courtesy of Wikipedia

The narcissistic boss is a charming, beguiling, angelic nightmare who lacks empathy, has an inflexible personality, and inflicts great mental abuse on employees.  They control their staff by intimidation and fear, constant criticism and cultivating a competitive hostile work environment.

Once a codependent employee’s initial admiration ends or the narcissist gets tired of being nice they punish the person for not being docile and obedient.  What is a codependent?  Codependents are people who feel responsible for the feelings of others and tend to seek validation and reassurance from a person who is unwilling to give them this type of support.  A narcissistic boss uses this insecurity to inflict misery and make an employee feel insignificant. They are adept at finding the vulnerabilities in people’s psyches and need someone who is willing to cater to their needs and to give up their own desires. Expecting something from an abusive boss who has nothing to give can make a codependent employee feel crazy.

The narcissist damages self-esteem to assert control, superiority and grandiosity.  This cruelty is done for pleasure as they are unable to empathize with the pain they cause.  When you confront the inappropriateness of their behavior they perceive you to be intentionally frustrating and withholding admiration.  They will shift blame because they will not accept responsibility for their own abusive behavior and instead blame their mistakes and/or bad behavior on the inadequacies of others.

According to the DSM-IV-TR, a patient must exhibit five or more of the following traits to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

● shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

● grandiose sense of self-importance

● preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

● belief that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

● need for excessive admiration

● sense of entitlement

● takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own agenda

● lacks empathy

● often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

The narcissistic boss will not praise, reward, or recognize your work, no matter how long or hard you work for him or her. To meet their demands and please them, they will expect you to work late, come in early, and give up your lunch hour.  Typically, every detail of the way they dress, their clothes, shoes, hair, make-up, accessories, are planned and usually of high quality.  Some high status bosses actually use the services of an image consultant to guide them in projecting a lovable attractive façade.  Narcissistic bosses surround themselves with “yes” people because they don’t like confrontation or anyone to disagree with them.  They insist on having everything go their way.  Employees are merely an instrument for their gratification.

Normal, ordinary, average, and hardworking employees are met with great disdain.  These employees are seen as worthless and coldly ignored after they have served their purpose.  Narcissistic bosses don’t have friends, they have fans.  An acquaintance is a more appropriate term for what they call a friend. They require a daily regimen of narcissistic supply, admiration, awe, praise and obedience.  The narcissist lacks compassion, and understanding and doesn’t identify with an employees problems or dilemmas.  They actually don’t want to hear about you being overworked.  They want to hear you call being swamped as “productive.”

Codependent employees are a perfect match for the abusive boss because they have an exceptionally high tolerance for emotional pain and inappropriate behavior. The high tolerance for pain helped them cope with family of origin dysfunction; as an adult they tend to become victims of abuse.  Codependents from toxic family systems learn that any positive feelings about self are dependent on the mood of someone else. Lacking entitlement to their feelings, they tend to be indirect about their needs, deny hurt feelings, and distrust their intuition. They have the belief that being a good employee means sacrificing for my boss and putting up with whatever the boss wants to dish out.

When you don’t speak up about the behaviors and trauma from a narcissistic employer the abuse can slowly eat at your soul.  Keeping the narcissists mistreatment a secret literally weighs you down as you eat, smoke, drug, or drink your feelings.  Staying in a toxic situation is the beginning of a physical disease process in the bodies of many employees.   Disability leave from employment stress is a prevalent issue, especially in hostile work environments.

Leaving a toxic work environment means you are ready to end the abuse, rigid rules, secrets, manipulation, betrayal, and feeling of desperation. Some codependents say leaving their job is the end of evil.  Terminating employment also means that you are ready to feel the immense relief that comes when you begin accepting the truth and stop denying reality.  You find the power to leave when you stop denying the inappropriate behavior and no longer make it okay to hurt yourself.  You stop waiting for your boss to show respect or be someone he or she is not.  You deal with your feelings and walk away from the insanity.

Tips for preparing yourself to leave employment with a narcissistic boss:

  1. Invest in yourself by learning about codependency and the narcissistic relationship.
  2. Use your deep capacity for love to develop enough love for yourself to stop the pain an unhealthy work environment causes.
  3. Work through your family of origin issues so you don’t find yourself working through them with employers.
  4. Learn to love and respect yourself so you will become attracted to employers who will respect you.
  5. Create a solid sense of self and the courage to speak up when a boss is abusing you.
  6. If you are having great difficulty leaving your employment, please seek professional counseling.

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Thank you for reading my post. I’ve dedicated my personal and professional life to the importance of non-violence and self-compassion by teaching from my experience.  As a result, I’ve learned a lot about what it takes to put an end to relationship abuse and emotional pain.  And, as I learn and grow, I teach self-compassion and give advice I use myself, in the hopes that it helps you to improve your own life.

Roberta

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Postmodern Learning Journey

Consciousness 17th Century Courtesy of Wikipedia

Consciousness 17th Century Courtesy of Wikipedia

The questions “Who am I?” “Who are we?” and “What is consciousness?” is fascinating to think about.  These issues carry within itself another, even more important question:  “Where do I belong?”   The answer to that question is discovered within a fellowship of friends.  I believe belonging is a core need of nearly all of us in the quest for answers and truth.  On my postmodern journey (belief there is no one objective “truth” rather many possible intrepretations of any event)  I connected with the article, The Essence of Self (Russell, 2003).  Russell believes when the mind is quiet we are experiencing our true essence which is a state of pure consciousness.  He says we develop our sense of self from people, places and things.  I have learned that the challenge is to understand that “I am” not my appearance, my work, my achievements, or my bank account, etc.  This “I am” realization is a sense of my own presence, it is not thought.  Russell describes this well in the following quote:

“When the mind is silent, and the thoughts, feelings, perceptions, memories with which we habitually identify have fallen away, then what remains is the essence of self, the pure subject without an object.  What we than find is not a sense of “I am this” or “I am that,” but just “I am.” (p. 12).”

It is during meditation that I sense this “I am.”  I feel my own presence (authenticity) in my breathe with such peace that my thinking, emotions, physical body, and the passing of time, seem insignificant in comparison to it.  It takes me beyond what I previously thought of as “myself.”  This presence is essentially me and at the same time greater than me.

Russell (2003) also delineates the concept of self, time and space in his article and I connected with his words. I can observe when my mind gets caught up in identification with the past and continuous compulsive projection into the future.   I believe Russell would say when I’m getting caught up in mind thought I am building my sense of self from time.  As soon as I am conscious of this mind process, I become present.  I seize to be my problems and emotions; I stop acting out my compulsive projections and instead become consciousness of which I really am.  The challenge is to stay in the present moment and stop punishing myself for behaviors in the past or with anxious predictions about the future.

Ken Wilber’s integral psychology model has also had a dramatic impact on my postmodern learning.  He has put into words my spiritual awakening with such accuracy that my sense of belonging to something greater then myself is much stronger.  I have learned of this postmodern thinking and shared experiences after the fact and it gives credibility to Wilber’s teaching and my awakening.  A chapter in his book, Integral Psychology (2000), “The Archeology of Spirit” was the most profound.  He writes about the experience he calls looking deep within the mind so well. “In its gentle whisperings, there are the faintest hints of infinite love,” and “It is reached by a simple technique: turn left at mind, and go within” (p. 111). The descriptions are wonderful.  I have felt the hints of infinite love during meditation and as a result, in moments of dialogue with others.

Wilber speaks of “at-home-ness” with the world developing deeper as the self integrates various “streams.”  I think of this as having a place wherein I fit, at home with self, with family, with the world.  Spirituality helps me find that experience by accepting myself, including my relationships with others, and especially my family.  Because of this, I have learned to see my relationships in a different way and to better fit with others.  Wilber calls this process identifying, “If you identify with your friends and family, you will treat them with care.  If you identify with your nation, you will treat your countrymen as compatriots.  If you identify with all human beings, you will strive to treat all people fairly and compassionately, regardless of race, sex, color, or creed” (p.116).  This passage struck me because when I had a spiritual experience as a result of losing my forearm, I than possessed the most profound need to connect with others.  This need helped me overcome the uncomfortableness with looking different and gave me the courage to be myself.  This loss was a powerful lesson in understanding that I am not my body or mind and that my real self had not changed though my outward appearance had.

My postmodern learning journey requires an examination of my invisible inner world through introspection, interpretation, and conscious awareness of my mind talk. My beliefs about subjective reality have been changed by what I am learning.  We live in an exciting time of conscious evolution in which the scientific method is inadequate in its explanations.  Modern science is uncomfortable with subjective uncertainty as are most of us.  The challenge of nonresistance to change and unpredictability is shaped and affected by our own culture, community and compulsive thoughts.  We are the shaper of our reality, environment and culture.  The good news is that we do have some control over our thinking and hold the key to our personal freedom from self-bondage.

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Thank you for reading this article.  I’ve dedicated my personal and professional life to the importance of non-violence and self-love by teaching from my  experience.  In the past, I’ve sacrificed my emotional and spiritual well-being for perfectionism and looked to others for approval at the cost of trusting my  intuition and developing my self-worth.  As a result, I’ve learned a lot about what it takes to put an end to the self-judgment.  And, as I learn and grow, I teach self-compassion and give advice I use myself, in the hopes that it helps you to improve your own life.

I WANT TO HEAR YOUR COMMENTS ON THIS TOPIC!  PLEASE COMMENT BELOW

Chronic Pain, Self-talk, and Distraction

841479_17427852One important part of a chronic pain control plan is changing your self-talk. Self-talk is the dialogue you have inside your head in response to a situation or pain episode. For example, you are having a pain episode, your self-talk might go something like this: “This is hopeless, there is nothing I can do, I’m completely overwhelmed and it’s impossible to stop this pain.” One way to change your pain experience is learning how thoughts and actions influence your feeling and coping. By paying attention to negative self-talk and changing your thoughts you can learn to reduce and better manage pain (including emotional pain). Negative self-talk can affect the severity, duration, and intensity of your pain experience and your ability to cope with it too. In particular, catastrophizing (thinking that make things seem worse than they really are) about pain is likely to make you feel more helpless to cope and to suffer more. If you learn to recognize the thoughts that crank up your pain and distress, you can replace those thoughts with calming, soothing thinking that brings your pain level back down. You could think, “This is something I can manage, even though it is difficult.” By doing this you are more likely to feel competent to cope and to feel better about yourself and distract from your pain.

In addition to changing your self-talk, you can also learn skills to focus your attention in certain areas and distract yourself from others. A helpful skill for reducing pain or emotional distress is distraction. You may believe that there is nothing that can be done to stop your pain. You may feel that you need to be dependent on drugs in order to cope. You may believe that you need to get rid of pain in order to live life at all. People with frequent or chronic pain often pay a lot of attention to bodily sensations. This means that they are very aware of pain and often suffer more as a result. The good news is that we have some control of our attention and can choose to focus on something else. Although some pain experiences or sensations are so strong that it’s very hard not to pay attention, most of the time we have some control over where and how much we focus our attention. Have you ever noticed that you’re not as bothered by pain if you’re involved in doing something interesting? This is because you’re just not as aware of pain (or distressful emotions) if you’re distracted by something and not paying attention to your body. Attention is the first step to perception. This is not ignoring pain, it is paying attention to something else. If you notice your pain when you’re doing a task, you don’t need to get upset, just return your attention to the activity of the moment.

Tips for Distraction and Changing Your Attention

Monitor your self-talk, reduce thoughts that make you feel bad and increase thoughts that contribute to feelings of confidence.

Do things that you enjoy and help take your mind off pain or feeling distressed.

Treat your senses. Light a scented candle, buy fresh cut flowers,  indulge in a massage, or take a hot bath.

Find positive meaning from your pain or disabling experience.

Schedule events with close friends or family.

Contribute to a cause or do something nice for someone else.

Make a gratitude list of things that are good in your life. Read it when you feel pain. Read it everyday.

Distract your thinking. Read a book, watch TV, or do a puzzle.

Generate different physical sensations. Sit outside in the sunshine, wrap yourself in a warm blanket, pet a dog or cat.

Look at something beautiful, like a flower or a piece of art. Go to a museum. Look at nature.

Listen to music that is soothing or uplifting. Pay attention to the sounds around you like birds, the wind in the trees, or ocean waves.

Have your favorite meal or dessert. Eat an orange slowly, paying attention to the flavor and texture.

Working on changing your self-talk is only one part of a chronic pain control plan. Strategies like distraction with pleasant activities and soothing sensations can be helpful. By figuring out what thoughts work for you and practicing attention diversion when you feel pain will result in feelings of control, less dependence on pain medication, and a better quality of life.

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Thank you for reading this article.  My learning journey with chronic physical pain is a result of my experience with phantom limb pain.  I was graced with the gift of self-acceptance upon realization that my forearm was amputated.  Before my limb loss, I sacrificed my emotional and spiritual well-being for perfectionism and looked to others for approval at the cost of trusting my intuition and developing my self-worth.  My drive for perfection was crushed along with my arm.  I’ve learned a lot about what it takes to put an end to self-created emotional pain.  And, as I learn and grow, I teach self-compassion and give advice I use myself, in the hopes that it helps you to improve your own life.

Stress, Chronic Pain, and Breaking the Habit of Thinking Negatively

250px-Dramaten_mask_2008aInevitably there are times of stress in our lives.  Stress, negative thinking, emotions, and pain are interconnected.  Stress makes us feel anxious, short-tempered, and overwhelmed. When the stress is internal we feel out of balance.  When stress is external and internal we experience our most difficult times with physical pain, we tend to tense our muscles, even if we aren’t aware of it, which can lead to more pain.  When we are feeling relaxed or happy, we tend to have less muscle tension, which can lead to less pain.  And when we are pain-free, it’s easier to feel relaxed and engaged in life.  We feel emotionally better and are better able to be there for ourselves and those we love.

Your thoughts and behaviors are related to your feelings and can result in more positive or more negative moods.  For example, if you spend time with friends during stressful periods, you tend to feel more balanced and peaceful in spite of your physical pain or life circumstances.  Spend a whole day sitting by yourself at home and thinking about how hopeless and helpless you feel, you are much more likely to feel down or grumpy than if you are able to be active and distract your thinking.  At the same time, it is normal and understandable that pain will sometimes make you feel stressed, unhappy, depressed, anxious, frustrated, or angry.  The goal is not necessarily to avoid your feelings and thoughts, but to learn how to manage them, along with your pain.  You have choices about how to stop the thoughts, emotions, and actions that lead to greater levels of emotional and physical pain. You may have experimented with compulsive or addictive behaviors to avoid or temporarily stop your pain.  These temporary pain relievers do not solve the problem; they postponed it.

At the same time, physical pain can be your body’s way of letting you know when something is wrong, so it’s important to be able to tell the difference between injury and pain that doesn’t indicate damage.  In addition, painful emotions can be our awakening to stop the thinking or behaviors we are doing that cause pain.  For example, a backache could be caused by an injury, but it could also be caused by our thoughts and feelings leading to unnecessary stress or tension.  Think of the saying, “ Ninety five percent of what I have worried about in my life has never happened.”  Similarly, you might have back pain because of a damaged disc, or it could be an achy muscle from exercise.  You know your body best, so it is important that you learn the differences between types of pain so that you can make good decisions about when you should try to distract yourself or change your thinking and when you need rest or medical care.

Self-care may not come easily during times of pain.  Ask yourself, “What do I need to do to take care of myself, what do I need emotionally?”  One way to benefit by taking care of yourself is to do at least one or two activities a day that you enjoy or that make you feel good.  These activities can be almost anything, from reading or watching TV to spending time with friends and family to taking a class or volunteering for a cause that makes you feel good about yourself.  One activity that is known to reliably improve feelings and lower stress levels is exercise.  Exercise activates endorphins in the brain, which are a natural painkiller and are 20 times stronger than any man-made pain medication. People who exercise regularly feel better, sleep better, and generally are happier.  In addition, exercise improves muscle tone and strength, which contributes to reduced pain.

Tips for Improving Your Well-being

  • Monitor your thinking, notice thoughts that make you feel bad, and make  choices about how to counter or change those thoughts.
  • Meditate everyday.  Sit quietly for 10 minutes; think about how you can be a better person.
  • Find positive meaning from your stress or disabling experience.
  • Reduce thoughts that contribute to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness and increase thoughts that contribute to feelings of competence.
  • Be an optimist, look for the lesson in your pain, and seek something good from your adversity.
  • Deal with your emotions.  Acknowledge stress, anger, hurt, and anxiety.
  • Take a walk every day.
  • Have regular scheduled events with close friends or family.
  • Find time to be alone with your partner.
  • Make time for laziness.
  • Be healthy inside.  Eat lots of fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and good carbohydrates (e.g. whole wheat bread or pasta).  Avoid junk food.
  • Treat your senses.  Light a scented candle, buy fresh-cut flowers, and indulge in a massage, or take a hot bath.
  • Sleep.  Go to bed and get up at the same time every day, even on weekends
  • Be creative.  Spend time learning new things.  Work in your garden, paint, or build something.
  • Do something for someone else.  Volunteer or do something nice for a loved one.
  • Do something to make you feel the opposite of how you  feel now.  If you’re feeling frustrated and helpless, take a walk or watch a funny movie.  If you’re feeling sad read positive affirmations.
  • Put a mental wall up between yourself and the pain, thoughts, or the emotional distress.  Detach and deny your pain, box it up and put it on a shelf.

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Thank you for reading this article.  My learning journey with chronic physical pain is a result of my experience with phantom limb pain.  I was graced with the gift of self-acceptance upon realization that my forearm was amputated.  Before my limb loss, I sacrificed my emotional and spiritual well-being for perfectionism and looked to others for approval at the cost of trusting my intuition and developing my self-worth.  My drive for perfection was crushed along with my arm.  I’ve learned a lot about what it takes to put an end to self-created emotional pain.  And, as I learn and grow, I teach self-compassion and give advice I use myself, in the hopes that it helps you to improve your own life.

Coping With Chronic Pain and Stress

By learning how thoughts and actions influence our feelings and coping we can learn to reduce and better manage life’s emotional challenges.  The figure below is the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) paradigm for negative automatic thoughts leading to painful emotions and resulting in unhelpful (actions) coping strategies.  The thinking process is repetitious and circular, whereby thoughts lead to feelings that lead to actions continuously ( I could not add directional arrows to my diagram).   Thoughts, behaviors, and emotions affect our physical experiences and sensations, including emotional pain, and vice versa.  How we think also affects the severity, intensity, and duration of chronic pain episodes, emotional pain, stress levels, and disease progression (i.e., diabetes, terminal cancer, arthritis,  back pain, etc.)

THOUGHT

                                          “I’m not achieving enough”

PHYSICAL PAIN & STRESS LEVEL INCREASE

                                         w/NEGATIVE THINKING

ACTIONS = “Isolate”                                             FEELINGS = “Fear”

This approach teaches us ways to change thinking and behaviors to best cope with stress/pain and reduce negative thoughts.  You may believe that talking about your fears is a weakness.  Or you may perceive that other people believe these things, causing you to feel embarrassed and angry.  Either way, you might hide your fears from others, criticize or make excuses for yourself, and smile when you are feeling sad.  It is estimated that a deep thinker (perfectionist) has somewhere around 60,000 automatic thoughts per day.  Research shows that for most people, 80% of thoughts are negative and repetitious.  As the saying goes, “It is a bad neighborhood in my head and I try not to go there unsupervised.”

You may believe that there is nothing that can be done to stop your negative thinking and to better cope with stress.   Learning to tune-in to ourselves, learning to listen to ourselves takes practice. You may be dependent on others for approval in order to cope or don’t talk to anyone about your concerns.  Lastly, you may believe that you need to get rid of your problems on your own in order to live your life.  You believe that you have to endure alone. These beliefs are mental traps!!!

Thinking you are not achieving enough during these unpredictable times can be stressful and tiring and this can make it hard to think clearly, leading you to feel frustrated and hopeless.  However, it is possible to improve your mood and to learn to cope effectively with your problems that remain unresolved.  By learning to focus on the things you have control over, you can change parts of your reality by choosing how you will think and behave.

 Total reality is made up of at least the following parts:

1) What you see, hear, and can measure, 2) how others think and act, 3) how you think and feel, and 4) what you do.

EXAMPLE:    Different responses to negative thinking and stress can produce many types of  “realities.”

WHAT YOU SEE, HEAR, AND CAN MEASURE

My thoughts tell me I’m going to lose everything, I’m  not good  enough, and I must be worthless.

HOW OTHERS THINK AND ACT                                               1.  Supportive

2.  Dismissing

3.  Critical

 

HOW YOU THINK (you have a choice)                                    1.  This is what my mind does.

2.  I can change my thoughts.

3.  I can’t stand it!

WHAT YOU DO (you have a choice)                                        1.  Isolate

2.  Get angry with others.

3.  Appreciate what is good in my life.

4.  Learn techniques to cope effectively with stress.

Negative thoughts may be interfering with your life by keeping you from doing the things you want to do.  It is important to remember you do have some control over your thinking.  You may feel vulnerable and powerless when negative feelings appear.  But keep in mind (excuse the pun) that you can learn to notice your thoughts, feel your feelings, figure out if there’s something you need to do, and then go on with your life.  Life works best when you take charge of making change in your thinking.

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Thank you for reading this article.  My learning journey with chronic physical pain is a result of my experience with phantom limb pain.  I was graced with the gift of self-acceptance upon realization that my forearm was amputated.  Before my limb loss, I sacrificed my emotional and spiritual well-being for perfectionism and looked to others for approval at the cost of trusting my intuition and developing my self-worth.  My drive for perfection was crushed along with my arm.  I’ve learned a lot about what it takes to put an end to self-created emotional pain.  And, as I learn and grow, I teach self-compassion and give advice I use myself, in the hopes that it helps you to improve your own life.

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Stopping Complusive Mind Chatter

Thinking Courtesy of Wikipedia

Thinking Courtesy of Wikipedia

Meditation is the single most important thing you can do for yourself each day to stop compulsive mind chatter.   Starting the practice of meditation is often a salvation.  Your authentic self will appear in moments of quite awareness, and in non-resistance to the present moment, the dialogue in your head will stop and so will the compulsive emotional pain.  During meditation one’s still self can become present and is empowered to de-identify with the drama the ego manufactures in order to feel alive and keep the negative chatter going.  By practicing meditation you will experience stillness, peace and self-acceptance.  We all have the power to stop attending to the seemingly involuntary thought processes, the continuous negative monologues, and the repetitive victim stories playing in our minds.  Emotional, physical, or mental pain can be used as a gift to motivate you to stop the mental fighting in your mind.

My experience with emotional trauma and chronic pain has been a major influence on my values and self-care.  I have been moved by intense struggling into accepting “what is.”  When I practice acknowledging that my emotional pain is self-created and I am not a victim, my thoughts commence to change dramatically.  Moment by moment I practice giving up my attachment to past, future and present thoughts to make living in the present my main focus.  I have found peace through this surrender and a profound need to demonstrate kindness through my actions.  The compulsive drive for more, better, new, in order to feed a false image and ineffectively heal emotional wounds is no longer fulfilling to me.  This awareness came from an accumulation of personal losses, emotional pain and chronic physical pain.  I use to have a voice in my head that continuously attacked and punished me for not doing enough.  I decided I would no longer tolerate the self-created misery and unhappiness.  The negative thoughts still lurk, but I practice observing and releasing them without judging.

I have found it is necessary to practice not taking people or situations personally and to stop building negative thoughts.  The minute I make a situation “about me,” my fear is in charge and creating a story.  I have learned that the challenge is to respect that who “I am” is not my minds activity, my appearance, my work, my achievements, or my bank account, etc.  This “I am” realization is a sense of my own presence, it is not thought.   As soon as I am conscious and stop the compulsive mind chatter I’m hearing, (i.e., “Hello old friend that has come here to make me feel like crap, you can go now”) I become present.  I seize to become my reactions and negative emotions; I stop acting out my compulsive projections.  I quit beating myself up and instead become conscious of my present worth.  The challenge is to remain in the present moment and give up identifying with the drama for things that happened in the past or with fearful projections into the future.  I take responsibility for my actions and self-respect.  I recognize that I am continuously creating my minds reality and I give myself permission to be “perfectly imperfect.”

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Thank you for reading this article. I’ve dedicated my personal and professional life to the importance of non-violence and self-love by teaching from my  experience.  In the past, I’ve sacrificed my emotional and spiritual well-being for perfectionism and looked to others for approval at the cost of trusting my intuition and developing my own self-worth.  As a result, I’ve learned a lot about what it takes to put an end to the self-judgment and self-bondage.  And, as I learn and grow, I teach self-compassion and give advice I use myself, in the hopes that it helps you to improve your own life.