The narcissist is threatened by a partner’s sexual and emotional needs and believes they are out to trap them and suck them dry. This is the narcissist’s classic projection of their true inner self. Because of this projection he or she tortures and abuses. They can be ruthless in their pursuit of prey and create misery in their wake. To calm irrational fears they pathologize intimate others to maintain power and control. They are constitutionally incapable of feeling empathy or remorse for their actions.
Most narcissists prefer pornography and masturbation to emotionally attached, mature, adult sex. Some are into sadomasochistic sexual relationships; some use pornography to become aroused; others become addicted to it. The psychological or physical suffering (including humiliation) of the victim is sexually exciting to the sadistic narcissist. Witnessing his or her pain is what the sadist finds arousing. Their sexuality is not a connected and balanced part of life. The sexual act is a performance-oriented genital experience focused on the hunt and momentary high of orgasm. Sometimes they are latent homosexuals or secretly bisexual. Many have fetishes which involve the use of nonliving objects. Spandex, lingerie, cross dressing, boas, high heels, leather restraints, etc. may be used for sexual stimulation. It can start to take increasingly more violence or the use of fetish objects to become sexually aroused enough to orgasm. Boredom in the bedroom comes quickly and ejaculation may be impossible without toys or inflicting pain.
After the pyrotechnic beginnings, sex is likely to become an impersonal and emotionally distant experience. Most heterosexual male and female narcissists hate their opposite gender. Punishment by emotional withdrawing and abstaining from sex is inflicted on loving partners to maintain control. The narcissist sadistically frustrates for pleasure and can become celibate within a relationship. Sex then is only performed to keep their partner from leaving or for the demonstration of physical and psychological domination. They are incapable of true emotional intimacy and dread the needs of a lover. Unable to love or feel empathy, the relationship becomes chaotic, lacking any measure of authentic intimacy. The life force is sucked out of the partner leaving them hollow. They are notorious for cheating and/or using the services of prostitutes. Partners are wise to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases.
Narcissists rarely seek help for their soulless, emotionless, genital only sex and destructive mistreatment of others. Their need to have sexual power is directly proportional to the hatred and rage they feel within. If you are reading this post you probably have suffered to hang on to this type of painful relationship and long to find real love. You must start with learning to nurture yourself and seeking to understand the intense longing that led to your choice of a narcissistic partner. The truth is, their numbers are great and odds are many of us will encounter this personality disorder in our search for a healthy partner. Find something you love to do and do it! Warm relationships and fulfilling sexual experiences flow from a person who feels good about his or her life and is on a path to self-fulfillment. Take your focus off finding a relationship and begin to find your own source of love and power. You will then tend to attract genuine people who want to love you.
Thank you for reading this post. I’ve dedicated my personal and professional life to the importance of non-violence and self-compassion by teaching from my experience. As a result, I’ve learned a lot about what it takes to express needs and put an end to relationship abuse. And, as I learn and grow, I teach self-compassion and give advice I use myself, in the hopes that it helps you to improve your own life.